14 - From Heart Break to Heart Full

14 - From Heart Break to Heart Full

I found a little bit of quiet time the day I recorded this episode, so I came to the microphone to speak what’s in my heart. Get your favorite drink and get comfy everyone. I hope you enjoy this episode!

If you’re already familiar with my swimwear brand, Fused Hawaii, then you’re probably already part of our Facebook group, Empowered Fused Hawaii. We started the group a little over a year ago and what started as a feeling has grown to a community of 70k women which is crazy! Let’s rewind and document some of the details of how and where we started.

About 4-5 years ago, I didn’t have a lot of kids (yet!) so I had a lot of friends but as I got older, I’ve lost friendships along the way and boy did it hurt! I was heartbroken. It's worse than a break up sometimes when you lose a best friend! But after all of that drama went away, I realized I really cared for people but I wasn’t perfect either. There were good parts and bad parts but I realized that it's okay as long as you take accountability of your mistakes and own them.

My lesson looking back is although I have lost some relationships as I grew into the person I am today, it also has opened up space for other people, better relationships, more positive energy, and, honestly, it was an eye-opening experience. I felt like I just ripped off the band-aid!

Fast forward to today, I’m literally shocked every day at the community we’ve created. Everybody is lifting each other up every single day, friendships are made, and the girls have such a close bond with other people that they haven’t even met before! I often ask myself, “How did this happen?” Well, it started with hose heartbreaks. Everything that I craved in a friendship, I literally created. I am one lucky girl!

My next dream is to be able to meet you all in person. I don’t know when, but I know it will happen. Soon, I hope.

I hope this story inspires you to look past any heartbreak that you may experience in life. I know how difficult they can be as you're going through them but sometimes, the outcome could surprise you.

Keep on dreaming, dreamers!


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Links & Resources Mentioned In This Episode:


Fused Hawaii
https://www.fusedhawaii.com/

Facebook Group "Empowered Fused Hawaii"

WE HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS EPISODE. AS A BONUS, WE HAVE A TRANSCRIPTION OF THE EPISODE FOR YOU BELOW.

Intro: Aloha and welcome to the Dream Into It Podcast. I'm Roxelle Cho coming to you from my hometown, Kailua-Kona, Hawaii. After building a multiple seven-figure swimwear brand from a dream starting in my garage, I became curious into learning how my thoughts created the reality around me.

This is the Dream Into it Podcast where we will look into how wonderful, powerful, inspired, motivated women like myself are able to rewrite the stories of their lives and step into their power. I am so excited to be able to join you on your journey of stepping into your potential and creating the life of your dreams. Mahalo for being here today. 

Come on dreamers, let's dream into it!

[00:00:53] Aloha, dreamers! it is Monday, our wonderful Monday. However, that looks to you. I like it because some Mondays I'm good. Some days it's like the world is crashing down on top of me. So this morning, I woke up over a cup of coffee. Once again, if you've been listening to my past podcast you're familiar with my somewhere band Fused.

[00:01:22] Why are you following my content? My mornings always start with coffee, a fresh pot of Kona coffee. Uh, that's usually how a good day starts at least. So if you hear me sipping in the back, grab a cup of whatever it is you have in front of you. And. Take a sip with me. So I'll take a little sip with you all this morning.

[00:01:43] As you know, I like to feel like you're all right here in front of me and sitting in my living room, having a really great conversation because that's what makes me happy. That's what inspires me to continue showing up being here in this space and wanting to share with you whatever message is on my heart that day.

[00:02:00] And so, as I came to the microphone this morning, I had a little bit of quiet time. Between my work. My kids, my husband's had the kids to the beach this morning. So I was like, let's record while we have a moment of silence. So far you moms out there, you know how it is those moments of silence in between?

[00:02:19] I was like, do I record a podcast? Do I go outside in the yard and meditate too? I just jumped for joy for this moment right here. So. Feel very, very grateful. I, I wanted to be here with you over all the other options of why it could do with my quiet time. And so just know that the reason I choose to be here is that I enjoy it.

[00:02:41] It's fun. Fun for me will always rank priority on my list. And honestly, A little bored today. And I wanted to have just some really good conversation with my ladies who are listening to this episode behind the microphone. If there are more men in the room listening, you're welcome as well. And so usually when I look back, back at my life, the best memories I have was always having really, really good laughs and tiny, these tiny little moments make up the best.

[00:03:10] Parts the biggest parts of my life. And so usually it was having something to drink, whether it be a cup of coffee, a nice cocktail of beverage, a glass of water with someone that you love hanging out with your girlfriends, hanging out with your mom, your sisters, all those wonderful, strong women in my life that I've been surrounded by the best moments were always laughing and having those moments where you're like, you want to.

[00:03:37] Time to stop and standstill. You know, whether it's times where I'm just laughing with my, with my daughters or my cousins, it's like, those have definitely been some of the most impactful times of my life. And I know for all of you, you've also can pinpoint a time in your life where you can remember sitting, whether it's be in a group with your girlfriends, with your daughters, with, with your mom, your grandparents, whatever that may be, there is always, there's something about.

[00:04:06] Especially with females and our bonds together that is so strong and it really makes up who we are and kind of that's what was on my heart this morning. And when I wanted to speak to everyone about, if you are familiar with my company, fuse Hawaii, you may already know that we have a private Facebook group called empowered by fuse Hawaii.

[00:04:29] The reason I bring that up is I wanted to kind of rewind and tell you how this group started. Maybe a little over a year from an idea, from a feeling that I was having and has grown in that short period of time to over 70,000 women. And I wanna, I want to document why this happened and then, and the how before I forget, honestly, I'm like starting to, not how I'm starting to as a person and my relationships with my friends and all of this, but I wanted to put this in solidifying this so that I'll always remember where.
[00:05:07] This group spawned from, and if you've ever been into that group, I'll read the comments. Some days it's like women were saying, this is the best group I've ever been in. It's the most empowering. I've never seen a space where women are lifting other women in this way. And some days I'm like, Whoa, did that really happen?

[00:05:28] Did my idea that I thought was possible or really happened. That sounds really familiar. And it's funny that now this is called the dream into a podcast, but I bring this up because I felt like this was a definite like manifestation realization of your dreams actually unfolding. And creating itself into the reality right.

[00:05:51] In front of you. And so, like I said, let's rewind and I honestly, I'm literally documenting this because I'm starting to forget the details. And as you notice in this title, it was like from a heartbroken place to, to this place that I'm at now. And what do I mean by that? Um, When I think back, I can't even remember.

[00:06:13] Um, I'll go. I usually kind of find timeframes in like my children's ages. And so I want to say it was like five years ago, all that time before then. I think I had, I had one daughter at the time I was pregnant with my second, but during that time, ladies men, if you gentlemen, if you're listening. I had a lot of time for friendships then, you know, I didn't have four kids.

[00:06:35] I was single, I was married, but I was a single entity with no children. I mean, which is, which is a lot, a lot of extra time on my hands now, hindsight looking back, but, you know, I had a ton of friendships and I was a very, very close. I, I, till this day value. Friendship and loyalty and all of these like wonderful things.

[00:06:59] I love, I loved finding those friends that you like click with right off the bat. And you have the most amazing times and the most amazing conversations. And, you know, it was about five years ago where a lot of my friendships were starting to get weeded out of my life. At that time, you know, I was starting to really.

[00:07:19] Read more books, educate myself, get knowledgeable on and create goals and just everything in my life. I wanted to upgrade my life. I didn't know at the time that by, by doing so the people in your immediate circle. Would also have to change. And what I realized looking back is, you know, what felt like as heartbreak at the time, what felt like was I was losing all of my friends.

[00:07:47] And in that moment, like was devastated. I might, some of my best friendships I'm like, are, is this really happening? Whatever it is. I want it to stop. It hurts so bad. And you know, those of you out there who have best friends. I mean, you know what it's like, sometimes you, we it's so funny because what I realized then is as women.

[00:08:08] It's like when you're having a breakup with a guy, it's all good. Your friends are there. Everybody's like, Hey, we totally hate him. We love you. We hate them. And I'm like, okay, cool. Your friends are like sending you flowers when you break up with a boy, but it is funny how things shifts. So when you break up with your best friend, all of the other friends and the mutual friends are like, we don't want to touch that, turn his foot pole, like nobody's getting near that drama.

[00:08:36] And so I bring this up and because now I look back and it was such a growing and learning experience. So if you find yourself in these situations where you might be losing a friend, you might be finding another course that you're going in in life that you want to follow, that you're being pulled. To follow?

[00:08:54] No, that this phase is also very normal. And what I had to realize. I remember one day, like just heartbroken. I mean, it feels like you're losing it is like worse than a breakup at times. I mean, I have a husband and I he's like, Whoa, like what's happening. And I'm like, I'm losing my best friends, my best friends.

[00:09:18] And at the moment, you know, you felt, I felt silly saying this out loud. I'm like, well, how do you feel this way over? Another woman is this normal? Yes. Is normal after all of the drama subsided, after all of that went away. After I realized real conversations with the real people who are still there after it all went away.

[00:09:40] Yeah. It was okay to feel that way. What that told me is that I really did care for people. It really did hurt me when, you know, maybe friendships weren't reciprocated the way I expected and it was not on anybody. It was nobody's fault. And that's the cool part. It's like when you can grab that power back and you can say, like, there were times I was a super awesome friends at phone, although were also times where I was a pretty horrible one.

[00:10:07] And so I need to take accountability both a hundred percent for my good and the bad parts of me. And the parts where I was not that great of a person and I could have acted better and it could have been kinder. I could have been more understanding. I could have been more present in a lot of areas. I have to take accountability for that.

[00:10:24] Not to make myself feel guilty or sat in or regret like, Oh my gosh, I wish I had that back. No, I need to take accountability because when I do that, And able to learn and I'm able to grow and I'm able to then go forth and create new relationships. And so, you know, for all of you who might be going through a breakup, a friendship breakup, you know, just to know that you're not alone in that emotion.

[00:10:53] And sometimes when. People might not want to hear it, or it could have you express how you're feeling in that moment. And it's too much emotions. Just know that I'm here sharing my story so that you know, that it's a normal feeling. And the reason I want to do that as well. And I wanted to really normalize this experience is because I have four daughters that are one day going to go through.

[00:11:14] Similar situations. And I want to be equipped to be able to hold their hearts in my hand, when it's breaking, whether it be from the opposite sex or just a friendship, any relationship that they value and the loss of any, any relationship that you value. It's okay to be sad about that. Like you actually, it was real.


[00:11:36] It was a real relationship that you cared and you valued a person and that's nothing to be ashamed of. And that's what I'm going to tell my daughters. And that's what I'm going to sit behind this mic and tell all of you as well. You know, my lesson looking back at that was to take accountability for my actions.


[00:11:54] Take accountability for, Hey, there's some areas you could be better at being friends. There's some areas where, you know, I've learned a lot about things like being called a pendant, like, Hey, that's not cool. I learned a lot. What about setting boundaries? I noticed like I built resentment due to my lack of boundary setting.


[00:12:16] In relationships. And so, so if you find yourself doing that as well, take and improve on it, and the reality of it is, is when you do that, you're creating so much space for new relationships, new people. Just all new, good vibes to come into your life. And at that time, if you were to tell me then what I have now, I would not have believed you.


[00:12:40] I remember sitting down with my mom one day and I'm like, mom, I'm so sorry. I'm like, I'm in my late twenties. And I feel like I'm losing all of my friends like that. It was sad. I'm like, feel like a big baby crying to my mom. I'm like, mom, I'm, I'm hurt. I care about these people and why am I being treated like this?


[00:13:00] Why am I being treated? So, I mean out right? Rude. You know, if you were to, if I were to note down all the good things, they did, all the bad things, it's like the bad would have easily, you know, I'll done. It's like if I were to look back. Now, like I'm saying this out loud, and if I were to look back, I would not have advised my children to stick in relationships like that.


[00:13:24] It is not healthy. And so choose your friends wisely, choose your people around you and your immediate circle soul wisely, because they're taking up very, very valuable amount of time, space, energy. That if that space is taken up, it is not going to be open for. Maybe something better, be something healthier.


[00:13:46] So whatever it is that you need to ask yourself, if you're in a place where, you know, you could possibly see potential that the people you're surrounding yourself with might not be the most of building or in line with the path that you're choosing to go on, you know, Realize that it does take these really hard times to clear out and declutter your life in a way.


[00:14:08] And when you do that, you get some clarity, you know, after all the crying, of course, I'm like, no, she said something back then that I didn't see from my perspective and at that time, but it was, um, she was like, you're not, you didn't actually lose your friends. She's like, you actually chose that. She's like, I've been watching from the sidelines this whole time and she's like, I, you chose for them to leave.


[00:14:38] It's it felt like they left you because you actually provided an open the door way out because you knew it wasn't meant for you. And when I could see it from that perspective, it's like, Whoa, somewhat true. Like, did they actually lose all my friends or did I know what was right for me? Did I know that it was going to be hard.


[00:15:02] And did I make it easier on my self in a way by just leaving a door, open, everybody to exit, you know, leaving that space or would it be so hard to say, Hey, this isn't working for me. Did I not have that voice to say it like that, that clearly. And instead creating some chaos around the situation and the door open, did that work to my benefit?


[00:15:25] And so these are all questions that I had to ask myself and really dig down into my heart and soul of what, what was happening. And, you know, through that, through my pain, in a way through that heartbreak, through the pain of thinking I was being abandoned and all of this stuff, or you're being ghosted and they're not talking to you honestly, that was probably my comfort zone.


[00:15:48] That place where I feel lost the banded, like people are leaving me. If I look back at my past, that was my comfort zone. And so the cool part really, really happened when I started to build some awareness around that. When I started to be aware of that, that I had a choice, whether or not. I could have really great relationships and healthy ones, or if I want to continuously be in this loop of a cycle from my childhood experiences that I was comfortable in, of creating chaos, drama, abandonment issues in my life.


[00:16:23] And I could stay there forever. I felt really good there. I knew the way I knew the ropes. I knew how to have people in your life once it gets too great. You know, I released them. We'd go back into the self sabotage behavior of my childhood and my path, or I could choose otherwise. And let me tell you now it was not easy to come to these realizations, to come to these places in your life where you're like, wow.


[00:16:48] You really suck sometimes and you need to wake up because if you continue behaving that way, life's going to continue sucking. You're going to continuously have these loops of engagements with people who are a certain way. And then you're going to act the same way, because what is the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result.


[00:17:12] So it's funny when you really shine a magnifying glass on your life. Right. Other than everyone, else's life around you and you look at your own flaws, it's funny what you see. Cause it's not so funny when you have to realize that and it's eye opening, like, wow. Oh, so busy, engaged in other people's lives and businesses that I forgot to magnifying glass on my own stuff.


[00:17:34] And so that's rewind to five years ago or so. And they just, I feel like I just ripped off a bandaid out. That's what, it's not fun. Anyways. Fast forward to the good part, you know? So through that process, you know, I go back to this Facebook group of like, We have over 70,000 members of women who love each other and build each other up and friendships are made within this group really closely bond.


[00:18:01] Sometimes with people you haven't even met before, and I'm like, what is happening? How did that come? Well, it started from the heartbreak. It started there about a year ago. I forgot. I just wanted to space that I could have women of build each other, lift each other. Everything that I knew existed in a friendship that I was searching for in a way I created.


[00:18:29] And that's where this group empowered by fuse way. That's what I was inspired by. Literally it was after I remember one of these days, one of my friends, she, she asked me, why do you continuously treat these ex friends in the way, or these girls. So much dignity with so much respect. Why are you so kind to people who are not kind to you, why do you do this?


[00:18:51] She's like you're bringing harm on yourself by being kind to people who are not kind to you. And you're asking for heartbreak. And I remember looking at shade in the eye and saying, I want to live in a world where I believe those types of relationships, friendships, people exists. If a world like that, doesn't.


[00:19:13] Isn't real. It's not worth it to me. And I remember looking her dead in the eyes and I, and I said, if I can't do it myself, how am I supposed to believe in something like that? Even existing. And so it was like around that same time where I sat behind my computer and I typed in the words empowered by fuse Hawaii.


[00:19:34] That was the group name. Did I know exactly what it was going to form into? No, it just wanted to talk to you. The ladies that were buying our bikini's. I seen some of them were really cool. I wanted to get to know them better. I wanted to create a space where women felt safe. I wanted to create that friendship feel that I was looking for, where there was never that competition where.


[00:19:59] There was just love where when you were winning, the other person was rooting you on for your successes. When one person was winning or really great at something, it didn't mean the opposite for the other person. It didn't mean when one was winning. One was losing. It didn't mean when, if one is pretty, one is ugly.


[00:20:18] It didn't mean if one had one didn't have, I wanted to create a space where if you had it, we're all going to celebrate you. If you felt pretty bad day, we're all going to celebrate that moment with you. If you're succeeding or excelling in a certain area, we're going to be there to root you on and to make sure you continue doing the best job, because that's what you're here to do.


[00:20:45] And that's what that group was to me. And that's what that space was to me. And I, I really truly believe that opening it up and creating it in a space where I was authentically showing up in that, in that space where I felt a little down, I felt a little heartbroken, I felt, but I still believed. And I felt like this is necessary to share in this podcast because it's dream into it.


[00:21:09] And so if that too, that to me speaks leaps and bounds to what this podcast is about, because it literally started in a state where I know this is possible. I just know, I don't know how, but I have a stream. I have this dream that I really do believe in. And even though my voice back then might have sounded like really quite like a whisper.


[00:21:32] Okay. I believe it wasn't as strong as it is now because I see it and I believe it even more so that it's real and it's tangible and I can speak to it now because I see it went back then it wasn't that way. It was just a whisper. It was just a thought in my head. It was just something I really, really wanted.


[00:21:53] So if that helps you somehow inspire you more to just step into that little whisper in your head, that voice to go at something that you really really believe in. You know, other people might not see it the same at this point. Just know that it was just a little over. Five years ago where I was experiencing the feeling two years ago, I had the thought a year and a half ago where I put it to PA to, to the keyboard, right.


[00:22:23] Put a name behind it. And a year and a half later, we're over 70,000, the members. And it's one of the most inspiring encourage human Facebook groups that you know, I've ever seen. And the women in there are amazing and add. To be able one day, my other dream is really to see that in real life happening, where we could all meet and have a retreat of some sort, but I know it will happen.


[00:22:49] And I know of you recording a podcast when that, when that comes to life as well to document this journey. But I wanted to bring you all in on this one little dream that I had and share it with you, as it slowly becomes a reality. So that you too can know that on the other end of this microphone, whatever it is, that is a whisper in your head, nobody around you with your, until you make that voice, take those actions of leaps to make it a little more tangible.


[00:23:17] Once people see it. Once they believe it, they'll be able to support it, jump in and help you to make that dream. That whisper become a real life thing. So you enjoyed this episode over my coffee again, and I just hope it break a little bit of late to your week. Um, This is a Monday for me. It's a Friday when this goes live.


[00:23:41] But, uh, thank you for jumping in on this little morning rant in a way. And I I'd love to hear what you think. Drop me a message on my Instagram at Rocksauce chill. I would love to hear if you listen to this podcasts and if it inspired any ideas in your headache, I would love to hear it. So Aloha have a nice rest of your week.


[00:24:02] And when this goes live, um, Thank you.

 

Outro: Mahalo for tuning in! 

I hope you enjoyed that episode. Keep on dreaming Into It Dreamers. The possibilities are infinite. 

If you love the show, share it with a friend and subscribe. I'll catch you in the next episode. 

Feel free to dive into our show notes at www.fusehawaii.com, and you can also follow me on Instagram at @roxellecho.

I'd love to hear from you. Comment on my recent post. What did you learn? Tell me about your takeaways. 

Aloha.

 

 


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