20 - Learning To Love My Hate

by Roxelle Cho October 14, 2020

20 - Learning To Love My Hate

Aloha dreamers!

Welcome back to the Dream Into It podcast. My company, Fused Hawaii, is about empowering women to love their bodies and to be confident in the skin that they're in. I was thinking that I should talk about self love as well.

All of these years, I was so focused on self-love and trying to build my positive thought process up and still continuously doing so. I totally believe that these thoughts will continuously recreate our realities in front of us. I learned that those parts of me needed love too.

I just wanted to leave a little reminder for all of you out there who are practicing self-love everyday. You are doing amazing and you're doing the hard work. That positivity, trying to change our trauma response and release our past stories while waking-up everyday and reconfirming all these positive things about you. I would love to just put a little reminder out there that those parts of you still sitting in the dark, they don't need to hide anymore. It's in all those intricacies that we find our beautiful selves, the self that we can love.

I would love to hear your thoughts wherever you find me, whether it's on Instagram or our other social media accounts. Drop a note in the comments or in the Dm's and tell me if this episode resonated with you!

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Have any questions, comments, or stories you’d like to share with us? Drop us a line at getfused@fusedhawaii.com.


Connect with me on Facebook at @roxellecho and Instagram at @roxellecho.


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“Roxelle has such a powerful and inspiring voice. I keep coming back weekly for inspiration, as well as tips on entrepreneurship, and life in general. I also find the topics on mental health and self-care very helpful. She is such a down to earth person despite her success. I just love her vibe! Whenever I listen to her podcast, I imagine being in Hawaii and all the good, simple things in life. Thanks for bringing some Aloha into my day :)”


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Links & Resources Mentioned In This Episode:


Fused Hawaii
https://www.fusedhawaii.com/

WE HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS EPISODE. AS A BONUS, WE HAVE A TRANSCRIPTION OF THE EPISODE FOR YOU BELOW.

Intro: Aloha  dreamers. Welcome back to the dream into it podcast. Thank you so much for showing up today in your power, in your truth, owning your story and continuously living into the life that you have imagined and creating that reality constantly. So here we are. Today's episode, it comes from basically, I just wanted to talk about something that came to mind.

[00:00:28] It just. Kind of made sense to me a little more clearly than in the past. I said, I wanted to share it with all of you, get your thoughts around the matter as well. And it comes to this notion of self love. So we hear it everywhere. I mean, my company Fused Hawaii is about empowering women to love their bodies, to be confident in the skin that they're in.

[00:00:54] Right. So I feel I,  I talk about self-love also as well. Yeah. And [00:01:00] what key? The clarity I got around this just the other day, it was pretty mind blowing to me. I was, I was like, wow, that's cool. So I wanted to share my lesson and with you and see what you think. or iit just expands your mind a little more, get a two way conversation going on your perspective as well.

[00:01:17] Around this matter. It's always great to have different people's perspectives to continuously. Expand their minds and grow. And so here it is, it was. I was thinking about self love. And I realized as I do my daily digging into myself, through my meditations, or just reflections of my past, my current thoughts and every single day, trying to, as, as this podcast, Details dream into it live into my current reality.

[00:01:51] I'm released past stories, past traumas, past things in situations that in the past may have, [00:02:00] hindered my growth may have influenced my thinking. And so. This mention of self love came in. And of course, right. We've all, we've all practiced a lot, a little bit of those mantras where we're like, I love me.

[00:02:12] I love myself. I am powerful. I am abundant. I am love, I am joy. I am all of these things and, you know, I. I believe in those things, I believe in putting that positivity forward and that, that love in ourselves and creating this abundance mindset. I mean, I talk about it so much. What came to mind was I love me.

[00:02:37] Right. Like, what does that mean to you? What does it really mean to you? And as I was going through and reflecting through my thought process, I realized that a lot of the times I was confirming this love for myself and attaching it and defining myself as well with these positive affirmations, these positive mantras, I.

[00:02:59] I love [00:03:00] me. I'm bright. I am powerful. I'm beautiful. I'm smart. I'm intelligent. I am abundant all of these things, but this is my I'm like I'm stopping right now because I'm like, Whoa. That's what's interesting is I forgot to mention the parts of me that make me whole as well. And those parts were things such as that came to mind is like that go forgotten is like, At times.

[00:03:28] I am sad at times. I am fear at times. I'm scared at times I fail at times I'm angry and those parts of me I've realized in my past story, didn't get as much love. And it took me back a little bit. Like even now I'm like reflecting as I'm talking to you to you and sharing this. And what I realize is.

[00:03:59] All of these years where I was so focused on self love and trying to build my positive thought process up, which is so great. And yeah, continuously continue doing that. I do totally believe that that the thoughts continuously we'll recreate our realities in front of us. So what, what I mean by this is I learned that those parts of me needed love too.

[00:04:24] And why. Why would the sad part of me or the anger part of me or the F the scared or the failure part that of me need any love or need any, any acknowledgement? I mean, why, why do we want to acknowledge that and put that into our atmosphere? Right. And so for my own personal journey, what I'm working on on this week is acknowledging that little girl in me, that woman who knows in the past.

[00:04:51] Even now there are days where I'm still scared. I'm still angry. I'm still, it feels hardness. I still feel a sense of failure at [00:05:00] times. And the beautiful part of it, where it came full circle is like that woman, that girl in me, when she gets to be loved to, for that version of her, because notice that, this powerful version of me that I love.

[00:05:20] This beautiful, smart, intelligent, powerful, all of these great things about me also makes part of my story, right? This whole podcast is about loving our whole entire story. And parts of me that went not unnoticed for a long time was the sadness, the fear and the anger. And I, and then I got to, I, I went a layer deeper.

[00:05:45] I'm like, but why, why didn't I give her. The love she needed. Like now I'm aware of it and I can see that. And I'm like, what do I need to do? How do I need to do that? It's like these conversations that I have with myself [00:06:00] sometimes are the deepest ones I have in my day. So it's really, I just love coming and sharing that with all of you and hopefully, maybe inspire you to expand and grow in your own thought process as well and see what conclusions you come up with.

[00:06:13] But for my story, what was beautiful is I could. Go to those parts of her, which is the late, right. It's it's our whole, like, I am not a human. If I'm lacking in these emotions, such as sadness, fear, failure, anger. Right? We're not human. So why, why do I go throughout my day? Thinking I'm supposed to create this version of me.

[00:06:41] That's not human and detach my self from these human emotions. So in this, in this like reflection state, I'm like, Whoa, this is so cool. I get to go back and I get to love on my anger. I get to love on my sadness. I get to love on my fear. I get to [00:07:00] love on my failure and in those moments I get to heal and right there, like even now you can hear it in my, the inflections of my voice.

[00:07:11] Like. It feels right. It feels like a wound closing and healing and, and becoming a stronger version of me. And now when that part of me integrates back into the love of my powerful self, the love of, of my strength, my light, my beauty, my, my intelligence, all of these things that makes me feel whole again.

[00:07:37] And it makes me feel human and it makes me feel real and authentic. And now all those parts of me, which makes up a pretty big part of me, right? Like half of me in those times pass, if you could envision it with sitting in the dark, in a dark closet, hidden away, not being acknowledged. Well, the parts of the other half of me, the [00:08:00] joy, the, the happy parts are like out in the light, getting there.

[00:08:03] I love being. And so at all these years, I'm like, why don't I feel whole, why don't I feel complete? And then it just like, boom, it hit me the other damn Lake, because this other half of you who is also lovable, it's sitting in the dark, not getting any attention, not getting any love. And when you can bring her out of the darkness, And that version of her and integrated into all of this love and joy.

[00:08:30] That's when that whole feeling that's when that healing can happen. And that's when, when it integrates together a more powerful, more beautiful and more loving expression of yourself can come alive. And so I hope that hits home with all of you. I don't hope I know it will because that's why you're here.

[00:08:49] That's why you're here listening to this podcast right now. If you're here showing up to listen to this podcast, you were meant to be here. You were meant to cross paths with this message. And [00:09:00] so I would love to hear your thoughts on this matter, but in the meantime, I just wanted to leave a little reminder with all of, all of you out there who are practicing self-love and every day waking up doing the work and you're doing amazing.

[00:09:18] And you're doing the hard work, , that positivity, trying to change our trauma response, release our past stories like, and everyday waking up and reconfirming all these really positive things about you. I would love to just put a little reminder out there that those parts of you still sitting in the dark, they don't need to hide anymore.

[00:09:41] They can come out, they can come into the light. There's no need to be afraid of letting those parts of us out. I think a lot of years pass, generations of passing, we as women, sometimes we're not able to express anger, right? We weren't, we weren't able to do those things. It [00:10:00] was the society.

[00:10:02] Sometimes that we live in, doesn't accept a woman in her full power. Right. And anger is not a womanly trait. Well, I would love for us to try to look at things from a different perspective. So if we were to flip the script and if I were to say the times that I would, I was saying I was sad. Was there any power in sadness?

[00:10:26] Was there any lessons in that? You know, me, you know, I'm going to find the lesson in everything because I do believe that's why we're here living our lives, living or individual journeys is to find these lessons and learn them. They were since curated solely for us. It's like I'm special lesson plan just for ourselves.

[00:10:46] And so when I look back, can I look at these, these less powerful stories that I would tell myself? Right. I am sad. Well, what else could that have meant? What was the lessons that I learned? Well, in those moments of [00:11:00] sadness, I've also learned that sometimes I, I was sad because I lost something that I love someone that I loved.

[00:11:08] And is that wrong? Right? Like when we opened, I was standing there in that, in that powerless version of me, and I'm saying, Hey, I'm sad. I'm going to hide her away right now. I don't like that version of me. But I can, if I flip the script and I changed those words just a little, and I say, Hey, like I lost something that I loved and it made me sad.

[00:11:29] Me and my heart hurt. Is it like, that's awesome. That is awesome. That is so human of me to be able to, to love something or someone so much that sadness lived in me. And I think that that that's nothing to hide. Right. And so another thing I look at is like, like anger, like would this angry version of me I've lost my temper.

[00:11:53] I have, yeah. I've yelled at somebody or I've I've I've I just feel angry and my body and that version of me needs to [00:12:00] stop. She cannot be here anymore. I need to like, change this and be positive and be happy all the time. And I'm going to hide away this version of me, anger. Well that, how did that work for any of you who have tried that?

[00:12:12] Right. You try to hide anger in the closet. What happens? It just gets like heated up more and it just builds up and explodes later on somewhere else. So when I look back at those times too, like, Oh my gosh, I'm an angry person and unlovable, angry person. Like as I see that my shoulders like hunch over my body, my posture just hunches over.

[00:12:35] I feel powerless. I feel it in shame. I feel embarrassed. I don't want to tell anybody this I'm going to go hide that part of me away. I like how many parts of us are we actually hiding away? Right. And how do we expect to be the full expression of ourselves? And so these parts where I was angry, I'm like, wait, she, we need love too.

[00:12:55] And how do I show her love and how do I, how do I love. [00:13:00] My anger, sometimes this feeling of hate. How about you? I love this hateful version of me. And then when I do, when I'm, I'm able to, I'm able to see like I'm angry because I felt hurt. I'm angry because I was so passionate about something. And I, and I, I felt just so strongly about something.

[00:13:22] And is that, is that wrong? Right? And not to see that expressing our anger at all was encouraged like in a negative way. But what I'm saying is when we come together and we neutralize these, these emotions with love, loves like this neutralizer, when it integrates with anger, when sadness, this isn't hiding in the dark and love Kenyon integrate with sadness, it neutralizes it.

[00:13:51] It doesn't have to express itself in those extreme ways. Those years where I underwent depression right now, looking back, I'm like, wow, [00:14:00] if I didn't have to suppress my depression and hide it away so much. And I was able to be sad and feel sad and love sad depression, it wouldn't have existed. And it's so key because I learned this through that.

[00:14:18] And so anybody who is there at that moment, like just know that like there's hope right there, all of those parts of you, all the, the sad, the anger, the fear he deserves love to it is a human part of us. And without those qualities, we're not being human. Another thing I looked at was like my fear, the parts where I was scared.

[00:14:44] I was like, Oh my gosh, I'm scared. Why am I gonna, I'm not going to tell people. I'm scared. That's lame. That's that is not strong. I gotta be strong all the time. It can't be scared. I can't be in fear. Nobody can know why I'm afraid. And then when I started [00:15:00] uncapping that fear and letting her out, I'm like, I'm scared and I'm seeing it a lot only.

[00:15:05] Gosh, I'm scared to say it out loud. I'm scared to say I'm scared. And what happens there is like, it turns into like excitement. I've reframed fear. Now I'm like, wait, instead of using this powerless word of fear, like, what else can I say it? I'm, I'm scared, but I'm excited because I'm about to do something a little bit out of my comfort zone.

[00:15:27] I'm about to step into a new project, a new goal, a new semester. The thing that kind of excites me. So that little change on words, right? It's like in the past, I would've said that kind of scares me well now. Yeah. That's exciting. I wake up every day. I'm like, that's exciting. Showed me. It would have been like, Oh my gosh, I'm scared.

[00:15:48] I can't do this. This is scary. Every day is scary because every day I'm learning and growing and stretching and expanding, but I'm only able to do that now because. [00:16:00] I've replaced the word fear with excitement. And I love that version of me. And I love that version of me that decides to take a risk that's Scott decides to not hide in the darkness, to stand into her power, which also includes her fear and still show up every single day and stand in the light even a little bit afraid.

[00:16:23] And so. You know, other, other things like that, I've also felt that I felt was maybe a frame negatively in the past was I failed? I'm a failure. I tried this, I've tried this before and it didn't come out the way I wanted it to now. I'm like, Oh my gosh. Like that was crazy. Can you believe I did that? That was scary.

[00:16:48] What was I thinking? But, Oh my gosh. That's so cool. It's so cool. I tried. I have four girls now I'm like, look at all these stories mommy has, because like, in those moments, I [00:17:00] felt like a failure afterwards. It followed me and that failure followed me and my brain would protect me from trying anything else.

[00:17:08] Because of that one time I failed. I like to challenge you to reframe those instances, dig into those stories a little bit more and see what lessons you can find. Because within all of those, what seemed like ashes or scraps, there's something really, really cool that can be found there. And it's like, that's where like our, my, my own story, my strength comes from a lot of these stories where once I dug through the ashes, I found all of these beautiful versions of myself and.

[00:17:48] You know, it's so funny because we, we listened to these songs. Like I'm going to be on say fan, right? So you all, you, Beyonce fans, it's like you hear the song flaws and all we, my, my [00:18:00] brand is like, our model is perfectly imperfect and we can read these words and we are, we celebrate yay. These songs that celebrate.

[00:18:11] Flaws and imperfections and TLC like, like unpretty and all of this, but yet when it comes to ourselves, it's so difficult to see that these flaws, these perfect imperfections make us exactly the person we need to be. And it's through all those, all of those, like intricacies that we'll find like the beautiful selves, the self that we can love.

[00:18:39] It is not in that perfect version of self. It is not in that just only positive mantra, self. It is the love of the anger. It's a love integrated with the heat. It's a love integrated with the sadness that can create this whole version in this whole story of us that creates this unique, [00:19:00] beautiful, powerful, strong, intentional story.

[00:19:07] And I will leave it on that note. And I would love to hear your thoughts wherever you find me, whether it's on Instagram, at rucksack chill or all over our social media, I would love to hear drop a note in the comments in the DMS to see how this episode resonated with you and continue expanding and having these stories of different perspectives.

[00:19:33] So I. I am so excited for this journey to come. We're more than halfway through way more than half way through 2020. And ladies and gentlemen, we made it, I made it this far. Let's love all of this. It's a hard time for some right now. And that's also be aware [00:20:00] of how far we've come. So I'm going to leave it on that note and continue dreaming into it.

Outro:  Dreamers, thank you so much for showing up here again, taking the time out of your day to show up for me and to show up for yourselves and let's continue dreaming into it and living the lives that we imagine every single day, Aloha.



Roxelle Cho
Roxelle Cho

Author




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